Hatori's News
by DyloniusFunk
Summary: [OneShot] Hatori has an announcement to make to the rest of the family that involves Akito, but it's not all bad. A silly parody idea i came up with. Please review


Well this story isn't really serious in the least. It's just a silly idea I came up with. If you're from outside the U.S you may not get the ending. I suspect if you watch TV you've probably seen at least one of these commercials. I do not own Fruba and I am not Natsuki Takaya. I suspect she would hit me if she found out I put her characters through this dumb story.

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Hatori sighed as he took a look around the room. He usually didn't call the entire Zodiac together like this, but this was a once ion a lifetime occasion. He figured it was better to tell them all at once rather than tell a few and have the news change as it got passed from Junisshi to Junisshi. Even Tohru was there, since she was almost a member of the Sohma family, despite Akito's attempts to force her away. He waited as everyone found a place to sit in the waiting room outside his office.

"Ok Tori-san, what exactly was this big news that we all had to be present for." came the sound of the unavoidable voice of Ayame Sohma. "I was in the middle of sewing a very intricate fabric for a rather picky, but extremely generous client. I wanted to make sure I gave him nothing but perfection, and I was in my stride when you called me. Do you know how hard it is to get your stride back? The zone is not just something one can enter and exit as will you know."

Hatori sighed and raised his hand. "Ayame, I'm sorry I disturb your work but this is more important than that, it involves Akito"

At the sound of their leader's name, the rest of the Sohmas looked up at attention. Akito was a touchy subject for most of them.

:"I suppose there's no point in delaying it any longer. So I better come right out and say it. Akito's…..health has improved"

Silence. All that there was was silence. Nobody spoke, nobody even breathed. For a split second, the shock of what Hatori had said seemed to be thick as fog throughout the room. But it was not to last. Before Hatori knew it, there were 13 voices yelling out questions at him. He took a deep breathe and yelled out "QUIET!"

The shock was enough to silence the rest of the family. Hatori sighed and said

"This is why I wanted you all here. I suppose you have questions. All I can say is I have no idea why he has improved or for what reason. He still bears the core of the Zodiac Curse as far as I can tell. Yet he is stronger, and in better health than he was when he was born. This improvement came as a shock to me as well."

Shigure stood up and said "I suppose our new and improved leader has some special walking orders for us."

"Quite astute of you Shigure" Hatori said. "Yes as a matter of fact, the first thing he did was have me write down some new orders. Now that he's in better health and not going to be dying anytime soon, he decided it was time for him to reaffirm his control over the family affairs."

As he was chatting, Hatori walked over to his secretary's desk and picked up a clipboard that had a piece of paper attached to it.

"He had me write down a list.

1. Kyo is be taken out of school immediately and confined to the cat's room. He apparently thinks that there's no point in waiting until graduation. So I am to come up with some excuse about how we've decided to start home schooling and leave it at that. If that doesn't work, I'm authorized to do whatever else is necessary to make sure nobody asks any questions.

2. Yuki is to be moved form Shigure's house back to the main house. Akito has decided not to wait until graduation for this as well. I am also ordered to prepare a living space for Yuki next to Akito's room.

3. Effective immediately, Tohru is to have her memory erased, and be returned to her nearest relatives. She will have no contact with any member of the Sohma family, and no attempt will be made by any member of the family to contact her. Any deviation of these rules will be meet with serious consequences"

Hatori dropped the clipboard back down on the desk. The room was quiet again as everyone attempted to comprehend what had just happened. Yuki just seemed to stare into space in shock and fear. Kyo looked ready to tear the place apart but he also showed sign of fear as well. Tohru meanwhile was confused, trying to understand what she did wrong.

"However, you should know that I do have some good news" Hatori said.

At that everyone looked up, hopeful as to what the news could be.

"I just saved a bunch of money on my car insurance by switching to Geico"

And in one split second, the entire Sohma family fell over anime style. Hatori shrugged his shoulders and walked into his office thinking to himself _well I thought it was good news_.

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As i said, really dumb, but i hope you got a chuckle out of it at least. If you haven't figured it out, it's based on a recent series of commericals for Geico Auto Insurance that have aired here in the U.S. recently. I didn't mean for it to take so long to get to the punchline, but i wanted the setup to be so intense that it makes Hatori's last line so completly ridiculous. I also like the idea of them reacting to it by doing the typcial anime fall, whereas in the commercials they cut away to the logo and you don't see the other person's reaction when they're told that the good news involves auto insurance. Anyway, hope i gave you a laugh and if you liked it, and even if you didn't please drop me a review. Thanks  



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